Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
