he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Randomize
