Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Randomize
