you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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