In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
