Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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