There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
