A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
