I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
