Your dad touched me again.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
