you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
