I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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