he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
