I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
