WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
