i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
