You made me cry and you don't even care
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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