Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
