people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
