i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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