Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
