I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
