he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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