she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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