Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
