I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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