don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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