Will you blow on my dice?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
