that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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