Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
