I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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