he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
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