the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
