Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
