If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
