i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
