don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
he fucked my hip out of place.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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