I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
The feeling are messing with the penis
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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