I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
