My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
