I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Randomize
