South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
