She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
