THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
