wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
