BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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