i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
