please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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