After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I just found a bag of teeth...
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
