Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Randomize
