I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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