She is in my trunk
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
