Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
