It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
