You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
